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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Tatsuha's LiveJournal:

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Saturday, April 19th, 2003
12:11 am
NGUINUYNUISRGJIUSDFJGUSDNRUFHSDUIPGNGRJho'ngfihsf


AAAAH!!!! @_____@
YOU KNOW THOSE SHIRTS WITH THE "NEW YORK" AND THE BIG HEART AND IT SAYS "I" AND OMG

THAT'S ME

I LOVED NEW YORK
@______________________________@
I WANT TO GO BACK FOREVER AND EVER AND EVER AND EVER AND EVER AND EVER AND EVER AND EVER AND EVER AND EVER.....

All of our clothes and shit got lost on the airplane though >_< I lost my vibrator. I like to jam it up Ryuichi's ass.

^__^

OOPS TMI'D YOU hahaha @_@ JET LAG!!!!!

Can't wait to get my babes tomorrow. Hope you took good care of them, Eiri!!

^_^

^_^



Current Mood: horny
Wednesday, April 9th, 2003
9:09 pm
We're leaving for New York on friday. GAAW!! SO FUCKING EXCITED!! I've never been to America before. EAT MY SHORTS EIRI, NOW I'M GOING AND NOT YOU HAHA.

Any suggestions on where to go?

BTW thx Seguchi. Harrr ^_____^

Current Mood: chipper
Wednesday, April 2nd, 2003
5:17 pm
OMG

TOHMA IS SENDING US TO NEW YORK CITY FOR RYUICHI'S BIRTHDAY.

I almost died when I found out

then we had hot sex.

OMGggg *_*

Current Mood: ecstatic
Tuesday, April 1st, 2003
1:06 am
I know it's late, but I'm shaking really hard and I have to post now so all my loyal fans can tell me they told me so.

I went back to our apartment to get my ring. I wasn't expecting much from him, as we hadn't spoken or seen each other in days... and his posts seemed entirely uncaring towards me.

I broke down when I looked at his face. Years of worship and almost a year of being together came crashing down on me. This man is and always has been a part of me, whether either of us likes it or not. People usually think of me, and they don't think "just some black haired doped up moron." They think, "that Ryuichi fanboy." Maybe that will never change.

So, I broke down. I just cried, and tried to get away before he could tell me to get lost again. It startled him, or something, and he hugged me.... which did it. Haha, yeah, lame, Tatsuha, really lame. Well, fuck off.

All his emotions and the things he'd been missing came back all at once, and he was my Ryu-chan again. It was probably the best thing that ever happened to me when he finally told me I belonged there, and he did want me back.

I won't go into any more sappy details, because it's not what people really want from me, I suppose.

You were all right, good for you, yeah, how predictable. Who gives a fuck? I'm happy and so is he. People should be happy on their birthday.

Speaking of which, it's his birthday now. The birthday boy is asleep, but I think he needs something big and warm next to him anyway. I meant me, you cocks.

Tomorrow, it's back to your regularly schedualed Tatsuha.

Current Mood: happy
Sunday, March 30th, 2003
9:17 pm
I can't do this!! I can't live like this any fucking more!!

I don't give a FUCK about my image right now or how tough and macho I'm supposed to be. I don't fucking care. It hurts to go to sleep on a hard couch in your brother's apartment knowing he's in there with HIS special whatever and they have each other, even if my brother is entirely miserable most of the time.

Well I wasn't miserable. I was happy and I was loved. I've had too many girlfriends to count, and maybe some of them loved me, but it was never like this. He wanted me there and was always happy to see me. It was my house too, and my bed where I could fall asleep with someone warm right there next to me. We had kittens, and ate dinner together, and made love, and he always told me he loved me before I went to sleep.

So what if I always act so stupid over this. God damn it.... that's where I belong. That's my home.

He hasn't contacted me, and I'm too afraid to call or email him. I saw his journal entry. I think this is really over for good this time.

Shit... I threw the ring he gave me in his face, and left all my stuff there saying I didn't want it. It's not true..... I want my ring.

I'll go over tomorrow. To get my ring. And to say goodbye, forever I suppose. I guess I was just another stupid fan who fell in love like an idiot. I seriously doubt he feels any love for me anymore at all. This was all my fault.

But I don't want to say goodbye.... or cry anymore...

SHIT! I JUST WANT TO GO BACK AND NEVER HAVE FUCKING SCREAMED AT HIM OR SAID THAT SHIT IN THE FIRST PLACE! I want my life back!

Fuck...

Current Mood: distressed
Friday, March 28th, 2003
7:21 pm
We broke up.

One minute we were fine, the next, I ruined it.

Me. I did it.

He threw me out.

And he's never going to take me back.

Fuck.......what do I do now.........

Current Mood: cold
Saturday, March 15th, 2003
4:01 pm
WHOEVER KNEW LIFE COULD BE SO GOOD EVEN WITHOUT A PENIS ^__^.
Thursday, March 13th, 2003
8:10 pm
RYUICHI IS SO COOL *_______________*.

We went out to dinner in Kyoto after seeing my mom, and it was great until my old friends showed up. I DID miss them but I also quit drugs and stuff for Ryuichi, who's older and wiser than me and them anyway. My one friend who I trusted and really cared for, my best buddy since I was small, he took me out and offered me some of his stuff. That shit's expensive and I know he felt it was a nice gift and usually I'd take it in a second and be grateful and I won't lie... I kind of wanted the high. But I told him no and tried to leave....

And he held me back and told me I had to take the gift. Him and the other guys were really fucked up on whatever they were smoking, and in the end I ended up beaten crapless in the alley with sirens ringing all over and Ryuichi whimpering over me. The sirens were an ambulance BTW. One of the girls ran back in and told them and they called an ambulance. Yea. 400$ car ride!!!

So i'm all fucking bruised and shit, even the Tatsuha Flute of Pleasure got a bit damanged and is currently OUT OF THE ORCHESTRA OF LOVE in my but we'll be back and ready for some serious EXPLICIT TATSUHA ACTION when I'm healed. My eye looks like shit too, I look like a pirate since its bandaged.

Anyway RYUICHI IS SOOO COOOOL AAAAH >_>;; when we saw them again they tried to finish the fight but Ryuichi just got this look in his eyes and pushed the guy against the wall and basically said if he touched me again he was dead shit, then he let him go and he ran off with a big wet PEEPEE stain all over his PANTS!! omg it was fucking amazing. Ryu-chan is so awesome. He's a good singer and a good dancer and he can make people piss themselves and he even figured out how to make me come all over the place without touching my Leaning Tower of Tatsuha [since I'm bruised up since they KICKED ME A LOT stupid asses,] and it was amazing and it was all about that special little sweet Tatsuha spot, oh yeah!! ^_____~ But that's a secret or else Ryuichi will tie me up and beat me with a stick. A RYUICHI STICK!!! hahahaha.

That's so funny I'm about to piss myself as hard as my friend did when Ryuichi fucked his mind good!!! >___> Haha RYUICHI IS SO COOL *_*

Current Mood: amused
Saturday, March 8th, 2003
1:39 pm
Okay, Ryuichi. You're worried about Tohma going missing? Fine. Worry. Love him more than me, I don't give a fuck. I have kittens and...lots of friends. So fuck this. You want to lay around moping and ignoring me and sleeping all the time and only talking about Tohma Tohma so worried about Tohma I hope Tohma's all right when you wake up, fine. I'm SO glad you love TOHMA so much.

I really fucking need a cigarette right now.

Current Mood: angry
Wednesday, March 5th, 2003
2:09 am
Me and my girl had babies. Eight babies.

THEY ARE VERY FUZZY AND SMALL!! ^_____^ I AM SO PROUD OF THEM!!! Ryuichi named them after food. >_< I want to eat the babies...
Thursday, February 20th, 2003
9:42 pm

This is cute, I like this ^_^
Sunday, February 9th, 2003
12:18 pm
OMG YOU IDIOTS - Suguru is NOT that cool, he's just a little pussy shit -_-;;;

Why do you worship him!! It's so disgusting!!! What a little turd. Suguru, I'm going to get you someday. I don't even know you and I don't care. I read your comments. YOU ARE A STUPID BOY.

Tohma's gone. Now he won't molest me anymore. YAY :)
Sunday, January 12th, 2003
3:31 am
Ryuichi's dad...he got Ryuichi put in jail on charges of being a pedophile.

Yep.

We won't know his bail until morning. He's fucking in there right now.

FUCK.

Current Mood: indescribable
Saturday, January 4th, 2003
1:38 pm
I'm such an idiot. I should be shot.

And I think I JUST realized something is seriously wrong with my brother.

Yay for Tatsuha, the inconsiderate idiot.

Maybe Tohma and Ryuichi are right. I'm an immature, irresponsible child who takes no responsibility for his dumb actions.

Wheeeee.

Current Mood: depressed
Sunday, December 22nd, 2002
8:08 am
Ryuichi wrote a song for me.

Sang it on national TV.

Nittle Grasper did a song for me on my birthday.

I would have posted yesterday but I was too busy screaming and orgasming from joy and other things.

Can't even talk now. Too happy.

NITTLE GRASPER!!!!!!! !!!!!

Happy birthday to TATSUHA!

Current Mood: bouncy
Saturday, December 21st, 2002
10:29 am
My new friend was Ryuichi's dad.... the guy who always beat him up and lied a lot....... well, he did it to me too I suppose.... everything he said about his "other son" was a lie, and he was laughing at me since I sat there saying how much I wanted to kill this guy when it was Ryuichi all along.

Ha ha.

Ryuichi was really upset when I found out Tom was his dad. He though I would break up with him. Well, I knew nothing Tom said was true... Ryuichi isn't using me... and we made up that night.... I'm back to zero friends, but its better than having negative one friend because they think I'm amusing.

Ha ha.

Anyway, today's my birthday. Ryuichi left this morning hardly saying goodbye to let me know he was going to be on a talk show. I guess he'll probably be there all day. Looks like someone forgot. I hate having a birthday so close to Christmas.

Yay for angst. I love being depressed. Going to go lock my head in a vice and enjoy it too.

Current Mood: disappointed
Thursday, December 19th, 2002
3:11 pm
AAAH! I'm so happy ^_^ I made a new friend!!!

I lost all my other friends when I stopped using drugs... -_-;;; and I'm on break so I haven't even met anyone in my new school here in Tokyo yet.

Anyway, Ryu's been going to work and I stay home. I went to lunch at a sushi bar earlier this week, and a guy bought me a drink. We started talking and hit it off! He's a lot older than me, like old enough to be my grandpa O_O But he has a son who's really into kendo, and I love watching kendo matches and Eiri and me used to play a little kendo when we were kids. His son's an international champion ^_^.; Went to America and all and won first prize over there.

Anyway, I've been meeting him for lunch and a drink every day since! It's something to do so I'm not lonely, and Ryuichi is really happy for me too ^^; I badly needed a friend... we Tatsuhas are social animals ~_~

Oh, yeah. And Tom - my friend, its short for something I can't remember XD - told me about his other son, who's like some rapist slut out on the streets of Japan. Whenever he talks about him, he gets this sad, pained look in his eyes, like he's a failure. Aagghh! If I ever meet this guy I'll kick his ass - nobody messes with my friends ^_______^

Oh, and he's cool with my having a boyfriend and all. Ryu came to meet him yesterday and we three had a great time, except Ryu had a little tummyache or something so I took him home and had to skip a kendo match with Tom. It's okay though - we'll go to one again soon ^_^

I'm so happy! A friend for Tats ^__^

Current Mood: cheerful
Wednesday, December 11th, 2002
8:10 am
Ryuichi and me figured stuff out...

He was really upset over how I kind of obsess over my N-G stuff and all.... I guess when he told me, he kind of said some things like he's only a toy to me, and I'm just another fan, and.... well I got kind of upset too, and... well I was afraid I was going to lose him, right when I'd gotten him back.

I started throwing my stuff against the floor and smashing it, screaming that I didn't care about any of it. I ruined this glass with the n-g logo on it that used to be my mom's... I really regret it now, for that reason and since I got all cut by the shards. I was bleeding all over and too sad to notice. I thought he wanted me to get out... but I guess my temper tantrum had gotten the point across. He gave me a hug and said he was sorry, then sat me down on the bed to clean off where the glass had cut me.

For future refrence, I love and worship Ryuichi Sakuma the singer, I have since I was little and can't just stop. I am just another fanboy when it comes to Grasper. Maybe a bit more special since I'm dating or related to 2/3rds of the members :P~~~~ But yeah. That's one thing. I'm IN love with my Ryu-chan... who doesn't act or even look like the guy on all my posters and concert DVD's. He's happy and smiling all the time, and adorable and very very sexy, but not like on stage. On stage he's sexy too but he also looks really big and godlike and its kind of intimidating. Newsflash for anybody who doesn't know him very well or isn't as tall at me ( >P ), he's tiny up close. There's nothing too godlike about some guy in a t-shirt sitting on the floor making his kuma go vrrrroooomm. But there is definatly something to love about it :PP

So leave me alone. I'm not as shallow as I seem. Well, yes I am. But not when it comes to Ryuichi. So zip your howling screamer.

So, as I was saying, we were sitting on the bed...Collapse )

Current Mood: loved
Sunday, December 8th, 2002
12:54 am
got bored so I'm posting on a laptop.

anyway, the concert's over!!!! ^___^ but they're doing that LIVE TELEVISED BACKSTAGE EVENT (or whatever it says on that damn poster) and I don't know how the fuck long that's lasting. GOD RYU-CHAN LOOKED SO SEXY TONIGHT DROOOOOOL!!!!!!!!!!!!! ^_____________^ all sweaty and...unnnghh :D:D:D:D I had a seat in the front row because I'm special and mmmmm. He made eye contact with me a lot, I could tell he was!! looking right at me!!!!! It was like my own performance ^___^ even though there was thousands of fans around me oh shut up. god Ryuichi is so fucking beautiful....even when I'm dating him and moving in with him I'll always be his number one fan ^__^ I have the stuff to prove it. yup, you are looking at the owner of the world's biggest Nittle Grasper collection!!!!! mememememememe ^___^

I have a feeling that by the time this is all over we'll just go home and go to sleep or something and maybe move my stuff in tomorrow because poor Ryu-chan will probably be so sleepy. then I can get all my nittle stuff yaaaay :D and now I have the best part of my collection to make it complete ^_~ heheheh.

I hope it doesnt take up too much space!!!! Pretty much all of it is sealed away in special vaccuum-packed bags and shit to keep them perfect and clean and germ-free..ahhh ^_____^ except for things like my big Nittle Grasper limited edition wallscroll, autographed during the 1998 AGELESS tour :D:D:D:D (which was the last tour before they broke up for three years....=/) I like to display THAT on my wall!!! I got it autographed then but the actual wallscroll used to be mommy's ^^;; it was from the year they first were big and famous. yeah ^___^ but things like the mint in box gold plated special edition Ryuichi figure...yeah, that's definitely sealed up tight ^____^ I don't want that one to get ruined :D No germs or bacteria or slimy hands or even any AIR MOLECULES are getting the privilege of touching my beloved Ryudise! I'm already scared about having to leave it at Eiri's unsupervised overnight ._. Shuichi you better not fucking touch ANY of my collection or I'll break your god damn hands off!!!!!!!! ._.

anyway, I'm really bored and tired and so so so so so so horny. I wish I could drag Ryuichi off and have a quick fuck then come back. But he's being interviewed and shit. I'm sure they'll slip in a few questions about me and the pedophilia rape thing or whatever it was ._. oh well. damn media. luckily that shit's starting to die down. I kinda want to go home now though. I think BAD LUCK already left ._. judging by Eiri's stupid post anyway. FUCK YOU EIRI ._.

Current Mood: horny
Wednesday, December 4th, 2002
11:13 pm
Sorry I haven't been posting!! I've been, y'know, around. Doing the usual. School, homework, fucked up TVs, fucking up Ryuichi....^_~

yeah, you heard me!!!! ^_^

Ryu-chan visited me for a few days. He showed up at Eiri's apartment and surprised me yet again, then dragged me off to a hotel somewhere. When we got there I realized I hadn't brought anything...including clothes. I can't wear the same thing for three days straight, that's really dirty. So I had to be naked most of the time. OOOPS!!!!! ^___^

Yeah, so we spent most of the time sleeping, eating lots of room service food, and dancing the mattress mambo many many many times ^_~ I can't decide when I had the most fun...when Ryuichi tied me up and fucked me like a little dirty bitch (okay, so it's turning into a fetish of mine, SUE ME), when I fulfilled one of my fantasies by spanking him then shoving my tongue up his tight little ass, when I covered him in ice cream and ate my little Ryuichi sundae (minus the cherry of course...^_~ ^_~ ^_~...wait nevermind -_-;;;), or...oh hell, it's sex. with Sakuma Ryuichi. when is there ever a time where I don't have lots of fun?!?!!?! :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D~~~~~

I know, I know, you're all jealous ^_^ Feel the Tatsuha envy seeping thru your veins hahahahahaha :D:D

He left Sunday morning. I was going to move in on the 5th when he comes back to Tokyo, but they're going to be too busy setting up for the GRAND FINALE and shit. So I still don't get to move in until after the big concert on the 7th.

BUT STILL!!!!!! THAT'S THREE MORE DAYS!!!!!!!

THREE
MORE
DAYS


Then Ryu-chan is mine FOREVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm so fucking happy right now :D Oh man school is gonna go SO SLOW but it's sooo gonna be worth it!!!!! ^______^

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I LOVE SAKUMA RYUICHI!!!!!!!!!

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Current Mood: excited
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